silverback gorilla (jcruelty) wrote,
silverback gorilla


Dear Diary,

Today is Sunday. This is the first weekend after my first week at Work, which came after 8 months of funemployment. Did I use the 8 months well? I think so. I'm mostly divorced now, which was one big goal. I say "mostly" because it's still not done done. The judge has to sign off on our agreement and there's like 4 financial things left to do, which falls on me because the ex isn't exactly motivated. But it's basically done. Out of my hands. So that's good.

I ran a ton
I climbed a ton

I didn't travel, because I'm bound by kids and also just didn't feel in the mood. Did go to Cape Cod, where I swam in the Atlantic and saw Sven catch a tremendously big fish.

Trying to get out of the habit of hyperlinks and imgs. Real writing shouldn't require it right?

My dating life is a trash fire. I deleted all my online profiles and such a few months into my sabbatical. I thought online dating was going to be fun but it was horrible. So many first dates where I instantly knew it wasn't going to work out, because I wasn't attracted to the other person. That's really the minimum thing I'm looking for. If I'm not attracted to them why proceed? Anyway every aspect of it sucked but I have to get back on the horse because I'm a tad lonely. I've really enjoyed the solitude I now have, because I am at core somewhat hermetic, but I'm also hyper social and miss intimacy. Not to mention the obvious. So thirsty right now. The thirst, the thirst

This is a stupid entry but I need to start writing more so the key is to just write I suppose.

I would like to use "I" less. In order to do this I need to talk about things other than I. Warriors are kicking ass. Who cares. Well I do, but just for the length of the finals and just because they're so unearthly good. Arnab says Curry isn't the next Jordan. What does he know. I'm about to go over to East Bay for some hoopin'. Arnab says not to say that because it's embarrassingly not-real as a thing people say. But "shooting around" doesn't have the same ring to it.

With dating, I put it on pause too because I figured, "maybe I'm a hot mess." (I'm back to saying I a lot, you're going to have to deal with it.) I didn't have a job, I was going through an unpleasant divorce, maybe my vibe wasn't right. Although, I was in the best shape of my life and had so much time on my hands. Really was puzzled that NO cutie was interested in wandering the city in search of art and magic. Now I have a job and I'm gonna be less in shape and have less time. But I guess the ladies they like a man with a job.

I think my target market is another divorced mom. Surely there's a cool hot divorced mom out there? If you know of one tell them I am single and ready to mingle

So that's the major thing I need to sort out in my life. Otherwise things are going well. I got a job at Lyft which is a cool company and so far seems like it will be a pretty good place to work. My brain is unthawing as I relearn how to program and use bash shells and copy and paste from stack exchange and internal wikis. I feel like 90% of programming is copy and pasting in one way or another. Perhaps this is why I'm not a "10x" dev. I'm maybe 1.5x on a good day.

I didn't publicly post my resolutions this year or even privately assemble them. It just felt too daunting. But maybe I should try again because the #1 biggest most daunting thing was climbing out of my life of idle leisure (which involved a mad burn rate and dwindling savings account) and getting back to the 9-5 job existence. Which, done! You can pat me on the back or don't, cos what am I a low expectation havin' motherfucker? You're SUPPOSED to have a job. But I dug a pretty deep hole and thank god climbed out of it. I live a life of privilege but you can't accuse me of not taking advantage of it

It was great to explore the bay. I still feel a twinge of nostalgia when I look at Google Maps for SF and surrounds. Purisma Creek, Mt. Diablo, Wildcat Canyon, Castle Rock, everywhere on trailstompers, I got to go and I was out on the trails alone. Sometimes I'd see whales, deer, a fleeting glimpse of a fox. Often I'd go hours on the trail without encountering another person. It felt so free. The maximum opposite of being in prison.

I'm 39 years old, or as I like to call it "in my 30's"

I'd like to do a big trip or something for 40 but would people come? Everyone's so busy now esp. cos they all have kids

My kids have been the best thing in my life lately. Izzy is 6 and Asha is 4 and this is a really sweet spot age-wise. They are both adorable and they like me and think I'm funny and cool and vice versa. I imagine things will get hard as they become teenagers but right now I'm really enjoying the ride

I don't post endless pix of my kids because I'm not that kind of guy. But I do want to start making some videos with them. Did you know the new iPhone has a slow-motion feature? I plan to abuse this and use it so much that people tell me to knock it off

My hair is a trash fire. I got a cool haircut because I started going to this cool barber Viktor in this cool black barbershop across from my climbing gym. Well it's not an old school barbershop but it does seem most other people getting their hair cut there are black. ANyway I think if your barber is cool it's more likely that you'll get a cool haircut, stands to reason doesn't it? But Viktor has disappeared!! I can't get ahold of him via txt or website. So now my hair is like a 10 story building. I look like Kid from Kid n Play. I might have to get a new barber because this is a crisis situation

Why are peppers so nosy?
Cos they're JALAPENO business!!

it's been like a year since i wrote in this and it's too much ground to cover and i barely remember how to write, but no excuses or apologies because you should never apologize for writing. probably you shouldn't talk about not apologizing for writing either. but i think the best thing short term probably is to just type what's in my head. or, if it's too much trouble, convince myself that what's in my head isn't worth typing

RIP Mitch Hedberg. Of all the famous people who have died in the last x years, Mitch Hedberg and David Foster Wallace are the two I miss the most

"I like a escalator, man, 'cause an escalator can never break. It can only become stairs. 'Sorry for the convenience... we apologize for the fact that you can still get up there.'"

sometimes i think maybe i had my fun and now i'm just destined to be a monk. but then i think "stop being so dramatic". it seems like most people eventually find someone. and you catch your quarry by allowing it to escape. zen of not looking and all that. but i'm a 39 year old divorcee w/ two kids so that's not exactly a hot proposition for a lot of people. but like i said, i suspect there's some cool mom out there who's in the same boat and so my hopes are there. but these divorced moms tend to be pretty busy with their kids and such. certainly i'm not meeting them at my kids' school.


surely everyone has secrets they wouldn't want anyone to know. i think mine are no worse than the average person's

i was telling mikew maybe the one other issue i need to deal w/ is substances. i drink too much, etc etc. there's a lot in that etc but there are limits to what one can say in this day and age

i mean i know the NSA is listening but they dont care

lyft wanted my facebook but i didn't put it in. i figure the people i become friends with will find it but no reason to advertise it to the world at large

facebook is still an addiction but increasingly i don't get the Juice from it... it doesn't give me my fix

i miss the early days of it when it gave you this weird telepathy where you always knew what was up with your friends everywhere. you run into somebody, "oh how was your trip to mexico / operation / move / show?"

sidewalk chalk is my chief creative medium now

wc this_entry.txt = ?

too many words that's what

when google killed their RSS reader i feel like i lost half my audience (AKA 4 people... but they were important people!)

now the only way anyone knows if i write in here is via FB share. it's not ideal.

off and on over the years i've toyed w/ the idea of starting up a newsletter. like a paper newsletter. it still seems like a funny idea to me. like, who does a newsletter in 2016?

but people would read it! they'd at least glance over it before throwing it in the bin

i guess, if you're reading this, send me your address. if i get 50 addresses i'll start it

that's an easy promise to make because we all know i'm not gonna get 50 addresses

i need to generate "page views" by doing some "hot takes"

1. lebron is garbage
2. your mainstream musical taste sucks
3. i know trump is a fascist racist xxxist but... he might make the trains run on time. and he's rich so he can't be all bad
4. i'm not saying fascism is the answer, but did you ever think: what is the question
5. dandruff is a made-up phenomenon and also i don't believe in shampoo

is it gross to floss in public? don't answer i know what you think. but did you ever think.... you're wrong?

how about walking around the office with no shoes on? meghan don't answer i know what you think. (BUT did you ever think.... etc)

hot takes are exhausting. i'ma go eat the organic whole foods equivalent of a Hot Pocket and wash it down with a coke zero (tm) (no organic whole foods equivalent)

Tags: #1

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