January 6th, 2012


Top ten children's books. Best purchases 2011. Letting go of fever dreams. Jokes.

I have to start just dumping thoughts out of my head. I need to get rid of ideas that I don't want to waste time on anymore. The only way is by tossing them up in the air. Once it's out there the fever subsides. Otherwise I get fixated on how I'm gonna write this or that and I can't stop thinking about it, even though I don't really wanna put the time into doing it and it's not a good use of time AT ALL. Here's how I should be spending my time:

  1. Installing the rear facing car seat. Such a pain in the ass with an old (pre-LATCH) vehicle. I hate mechanical tasks because I am a mechanical retard. More to the point I don't enjoy the process. You could say I don't enjoy doing mechanical things because I'm not good at it, but there are plenty of things I'm not good at it that I enjoy doing. Well, there's at least one. (Math)
  2. Job
  3. Researching 529 college savings plans
  4. Home improvements

Those all seem boring as fuck. So instead, what I'm actually spending time on is:

  1. Paper airplanes. It's similar to origami I guess in that you enjoy learning the techniques of folding. But unlike origami it's not decorative-- it's engineering. You can learn about laminar flow (?) and turbulence, lift and thrust, airfoils. I don't understand any of it but I like the applied science aspect of it. I have to say though there's no dignified way to repeatedly throw and then retrieve a paper airplane. Or if there is I haven't found it. I guess it would help if my planes stayed up for more than 1 second. I've been going to tennis courts and throwing there. I tried attaching a string to my plane so I could reel it in, but it gets tangled too easily. Then I was like 'maybe I should put the string on a spool of some kind' and then I realized I'd just reinvented the kite.

  2. Reading books in an unfocused random way. History of MTV, infrastructure. Nothing about parenting or bike repair or Spanish or anything that could actually help me in my life in any way. Sometime I hate my brain. So much wasted unfocused energy. It's so hard to change who you are. Discipline is important but I'm so ADD in this internet age. Seriously hyperlinks are like citations times a million, endless opportunities to branch off the main path, so hard to follow a main path. Facebook on my iPhone, always connected to email, AGH. I hate what I've become. I tried kicking the iPhone habit but couldn't figure out how to get contacts onto the crappy T-Mobile flip top I replaced it with. Everything now is mediated by the notion of sharing. I can't experience a moment without thinking about sharing the moment. I'll take a pic, I'll write a status update, I'll "blog" about it. I guess it's the same compulsion that drives writing, but it's so amped up to 11 now that it's hard to get away from it for a second. If a tree falls in the forest and nobody tweets it and nobody tells anybody about it then what's the point of it falling at all?

  3. Contemplating blog posts like 'Top Ten Children's Books' or 'Top Ten Purchases 2011.' This Top Ten list way of thinking is too facile, but my brain is getting trapped in it. It's easy enough to make lists but then I think I'm gonna format them and illustrate them and add clever commentary and spend forever editing them, as if I were writing for pitchfork or gawker or something. Well I doubt they spend forever editing. but they at least have editors. But for a pitchfork writer writing is THEIR JOB, and they get paid for it. Writing is not my job. Spending time editing and revising and researching links and twiddling CSS and finding images and all that for a fuckin livejournal top ten list is an indulgence. got to give up this luxury or make it the only. ( sorry i don't I'm more just talking to myself here) Time to toss some lists in the air and watch them float away. (Perhaps I have been spending too much time w/ paper airplanes.)

Top Ten Children's Books and Fuck Hyperlinks, Illustrations, or Commentary (or Even Getting the Number of Items Right)

  1. Goodnight Moon
  2. Guri and Gura
  3. I Am a Bunny
  4. There's a Monster at the End of This Book
  5. What Do You Say Dear
  6. On Market St
  7. Don't Let the Pigeon Drive the Bus
  8. Wolves
  9. Corduroy
  10. The Very Hungry Caterpillar
  11. Caps for Sale

Best Purchases 2011

  1. Black Mickey Mouse t-shirt (Uniqlo)
  2. Enormous 53" stuffed bear (Costco)
  3. Horse mask (Forum Novelties)
  4. Straight leg khakis (Bonobo)
  5. Wolf in sheep's clothing puppet (Folkmanis)
  6. Fogless shower mirror (Ace)
  7. Magnetic money clip (Dopp Regatta)
  8. Heavy Equipment wall calendar (Bauforum24)
  9. Infrastructure: A Field Guide (W. W. Norton)
  10. 60 rounds ammo + shooting a machine gun (The Gun Store, Las Vegas)

I'm still attached to the idea of fleshing out these lists cos I feel they would be useful to people. Everybody with a kid is looking for kid's books right? And most kids books suck. As for the purchases above they were all awesome and I bet you would like some of them as well. But it's hard for me to write these lists unless I sprinkle in some jokes. Mainly for my own benefit cos I always laugh at my own jokes so it makes things more readable down the road. But argh got to let it go.

if by some chance i return to these list topics at a later date do me a favor and pretend you never saw this first draft. 0th draft. What's the statute of limitations on 2011 lists?

In two weeks tops I will have another daughter. We got a cool name picked out. Not a snowflake name, just a name

I'm struggling with all kinds of tings in 2011, aren't we all. But chin up it will be a good year. All things considered I got it pretty good. Can't end on that platitude so instead here's jokes

Q: What did the buddhist say to the hot dog vendor?
A: Make me one with everything

Q: What did the hot dog vendor say to the buddhist when the buddhist asked for his change?
A: Change must come from within