May 8th, 2010


Trapped in the Weird Fish Bathroom

Skipped out on Iron Man 2. Instead came back to SF on the shuttle & got a couple beers with Mike Scott. He once again urged me to tell the tale of the time I got trapped in the bathroom at Weird Fish Restaurant.

The Tale of the Time I Got Trapped in the Bathroom at Weird Fish Restaurant.

It was a Friday night and him, Megan, Liska and I had all arrived to enjoy some fish and beer. At some point I got up to take a whiz. When I'd finished, I flushed, washed my hands, and tried to go back out. But I couldn't. The doorknob was jammed.

After some time twisting, turning and examining it, I gave up and started banging on the door to get someone's attention. Eventually someone showed up and I told them that the bathroom door was stuck. They tried opening it from the outside but it wouldn't give. "Try it from your side." I tried it from my side again, no luck. The door knob was jammed and wouldn't give at all.

I thought about how to escape. If I'd had a screwdriver I could unscrew the doorknob and open the door that way. But I didn't think to bring anything with me to the bathroom, not even my phone.

I thought about kicking the door down. How strong is a restaurant door? In the movies people kick open doors all the time, but in real life is it harder? In truth I'd always wanted to kick open a door, and this was shaping up to be a perfect opportunity to do so. But, say I did bust through. It would destroy the door, leaving them with a costly repair bill. Rather than go berzerker on it, I stayed cool and said to the people around the door, "Somebody please call a locksmith who can open this door." They ran off to do so.

In the meantime one of the Mexican restaurant workers outside offered to try opening thedoor. He pulled a suspiciously handy lock picking tool-- some kind of metal flange etc-- and went to work. Despite his expertise, no luck. We'd have wait for the locksmith.

In the meantime, a small crowd had gathered round. Liska and Megan and Mike all communicate with me by shouting through the door. "HOW ARE YOU" Liska asks. "FINE" I reply and then we laugh. "We got you a magazine from the corner store," she says, slipping a mag underneath the door. "It was the only one they had."
I take a look. It's a cheesy porn mag, terribly ugly ladies with huge fake tits.. one of whom Mike later told me he recognized!

So, what could one do? I thanked them and I then I sat, alone, in the bathroom, flipping through ghastly porn, trapped in my head. Luckily it didn't smell too bad. There's some bad art on the walls. I don't have my phone or a book, I look around to see if they have any books, I think there were a couple but nothing good. Like a John Carre paperback maybe.

Eventually I hear a commotion outside the door. The locksmith ha arrived. He gets to work with drilling and screwing and whatever else. Finally, something clicks, and with one firm pull he turns the knob and opens the door, releasing me!

I stumble out into the real world again. People in the restaurant are gathered around looking and they all applaud. I wave to them and walk back to our table, where our food has long since arrived and my fish & chips is cold. They comp us a couple bottles beer. I'm thinking "shouldn't the meal be free?"

Megan and Liska interrogate me as to what it was like inside. At least I had something to read, at least the bathroom was clean.

DENOUEMENT: 20 minutes later ANOTHER lady walks into the bathroom and gets stuck there too!