June 18th, 2007


Specialized tools ranked by fun, utility and ease of use, pt. 1

Ratings guide....

Aspect of tool being rated Score of 1 means Score of 5 means Score of 10 means
FUN This tool is not fun at all. Even a child with a rich imagination and access to drugs could not make this fun.

example: tire pressure gauge

Although this tool isn't anything special, you can be 'zen' and get into it even though you're not into it.

example: vacuum

This tool is severely fun and you always look forward to using it. Sometimes you use it even though you don't really need to.

example: paper cutter

UTILITY If you entered a wormhole to another dimension that was exactly like the current one, except this tool did not exist, you most likely wouldn't notice or care.

example: salad shooter

This tool has its uses, but will never be part of a Swiss Army knife or any kind of 'emergency kit.'

example: hole puncher

This is the kind of tool that really makes you proud to be Homo Sapien. Fuck yeah! We have the best tools of any animals! Fuck beavers!

example: bottle opener

EASE OF USE This tool is impossible to use, thus bringing into question whether it can even be thought of as a 'tool' or is really more of an objet d'art.

example: joint roller

A tool that basically works, but has at least one annoying design flaw that, if you fixed it and sold improved versions, you could make a lot of money, or so it seems

example: lint brush

This tool is so well designed that you don't have to think about using it. It operates as an extension of your own body. You achieve cybernetic union with this device.

example: bottle opener

On to the actual ratings.....

ToolFunUtilityEase of Use
Garlic press578 (hard to clean out)
Bottle opener51010
Nail clipper995 (hard to predict/control the velocity/direction of clipped nails... they go all over the place even if you're positioned directly above the wastebasket)
Tire pressure gauge377
Joint rolling machineN/AN/A1 (impossible to use)
Hole puncher646 (annoying when you accidentally empty the compartment that has all the little bits of paper; hard to punch a lot of pages at once)
Paper cutter9 (satisfying sound/sensation of pulling down the blade)3 (I need to cut paper even less often than I need to punch holes in paper)6 (easy to use except for the possibility that you might accidentally chop off your finger)
Lint brush23 (it never helps that much)5
Salad shooter? (unknown)1? (unknown)
Salad spinner536
Bicycle pump375 (you have to stand on the flaps and push hard)

More: Tool Reviews, Pt. 2