June 10th, 2007

hat

I acquire surveillance capabilities

A few months back, I received an email congratulating me on reaching my 5 year anniversary at EA, and inviting me to choose from an assortment of congratulatory baubles. The choices were mostly mundane-- duffel bag, wrist watch, jacket, etc.-- and since I couldn't decide what I wanted, I polled my family for help. Liska thought I should go with the telescope, so we could spy on our neighbors. My mom thought I should get the Diesel watch, to give to someone else. My brother's choice was... wait for it... the electronic weather station.

To me, this appeared to be the crappiest, most useless gift on the list. Why would I want an electronic weather station when I can just stick my head out the window? According to my brother (who of course already owns an electronic weather station), knowledge of the exact current temperature is "empowering."

After carefully reading and discarding all my family's advice, I finally decided on the binoculars. They let you spy on neighbors just as effectively as a telescope, and they're more portable.

UPDATE 6/8/07: the binoculars arrived, in a big gift-wrapped box. I haven't unwrapped them yet, because it's way more enjoyable to have a big gift-wrapped box than binoculars.

UPDATE 6/9/07: I finally opened it. The binoculars came in a big case that doubles as a seat cushion, presumably for sitting on when you're watching the Game. I've always wanted one of these! People bring them to our company-wide meetings, which take place in a big basketball court with rows of ass-aching bleachers. Now I finally have one... and I'm leaving EA in 2 weeks, so I'll never get to use it. There's irony for you. It's like rain, on your wedding day. (If, say, you sold your only umbrella to pay for the wedding*, and then it turns out your fiancee LOVED that umbrella, and she gets so furious that she dumps you and storms off, leaving you to soak in the rain, with no umbrella.)



* The umbrella was made of 24 caret gold, and encrusted with diamonds. Let's say it was a Fabergé umbrella.