|what doesn't bend breaks says ani. shut up ani, nobody asked you
||[18 Mar 2002|06:15pm]
i came in one night and all the lights in the house were off. there was the distant sound of music. i walked into the living room and saw josh & nate & friends lying around in the darkness, playing guitar and singing songs by candlelight. for a few hours, i felt entirely content with life.
songs i've grown to like through exposure to acoustically rendered versions:
ani difranco, "buildings and bridges"
liz phair, "fuck and run"
good, but strange
hanging out with nicole on sunday, watching "amores perros" and talking about various things. i told her she makes me nervous and she said not to be. she's a 2nd grade teacher. her eyes light up when she talks about her kids. i don't know where if anywhere it will go, but i like her a lot.
the job search is really starting to wear me down. i got a half dozen rejections in the mail yesterday. i don't think i've ever dealt with this much rejection in this short a time period. i started work at cafe sol on saturday, but it's part-time and there's no way it will pay the bills.
i have $500 in the bank, and rent is $800. the only thing i can think of is to borrow from my parents. i'm grateful that borrowing from parents is even an option, but i really wish i didn't have to.
this is an awakening of sorts. the constant worrying about money is making me a little crazy. i perceive everything through a dark cloud.
everybody's got plans. angi's going back to school, triet's studying for the lsat, nate's thinking of taking the english gre, on and on. i am as directionless as i've ever been in my life. people tell me to pursue my dreams, but there is no one dream; just scattered interests and a desire to avoid drudgery.