October 24th, 2001


I express several emotions

Blues, blues.

Dinner at Dana's yesterday-- all hail Indie Rock Mom!

She showed me these bowls from when she used to do ceramics

We played my Hall & Oates on her record player

She made vegetable soup with brussels sprouts, apple crisp and salad

She's a sweetie

Dinner with Alex & Alice tonight

We ate Thai food

We failed to defeat Megaman X

They helped me get the pictures off my camera

Wall in the mission district

I'm getting high every night. I think I am just stressing
in multiple directions, between saying goodbye to everybody and
breaking up with A. and getting ready to leave.

In the days before any departure, I begin to feel a frantic desire
to do nothing. I behave as though days are endless. I act as though
I weren't going. This denial is both fear of the unknown and a desire
not to open my eyes till the rollercoaster climbs to the top.

When I start thinking about rollercoasters climbing and plunging,
I hesitate to write it because it sounds melodramatic. But I am trying
harder to abandon pretense and say what I feel, because my distaste
for melodrama is exceeded only by my fear that it conceals an
inability to express (or even experience) real emotions or feelings.



Haha, it's almost 4:20.