May 29th, 2001


Here is some advice

Look at the time! Will you look at the time!! WILL YOU LOOK AT THE TIME FOR CRISSAKES!!

I'm here so early because I have to coordinate work with this woman on the East Coast. Over there it's already 10:30. Stupid friggin time disparity. I don't see why we can't just have one time for everybody in the world. Like in one of Douglas Adams's books, there's a planet where it's always Saturday afternoon, except once in a while it's Sunday. And the weather is always sunny. That sounds so sweet right now. Um, except I as I recall, all the people on that planet were suicidal, so maybe it's not such a great idea.

This is going to be a long update. I guess I could break it into multiple updates. But what's the point, it's not like this is a syndicated column read by millions. Hey how come nobody ever wants to be an advice columnist when they grow up? Probably cos those evil twin hags Abby and... the other one have a lock on the biz. And Miss Manners, and Dan Savage. Advice columnists are lame. When I used to do Go to Hell Cornell my friend Linsey (who I haven't seen in forever, Linsey Wirt if you're out there give a shout out) wrote an advice column called Ask the Girl. It was definitely better than most such columns. The premise was that she could answer questions using her unique perspective (the perspective of a girl). Most of her advice involved shaving nipples, buying flowers and making pentagrams in your neighbor's lawn with a simple solution of soap and water.

I guess the Onion's advice columns ("ask a gutshot policeman", "ask a worker drone bee") are sort of funny, but the joke only extends so far as the headline. I think the time is right for a dynamic new advice columnist to take charge. Maybe I should start practicing. Anybody with questions, send em this way.


I quit smoking paw (sort of)

I'm still waiting for East Coast Lady to call back, so might as well do the weekend update.


Long ass day at work, then we celebrated with blueberry ale (a favorite since the cartoon art party) & had interesting vegetable crepes at this french vietnamese place Le Soleil. (literally, "The Soleil Moon Fry") Juliette was visiting from london (she's working there indefinitely, lucky cad) so we met up with her & co. at the bitter end & listened to her stories of endless british mockery. I think the brits quite enjoy a capital round of mockery, what ho. "You Americans pray to your flag, don't you?" There's a guy from Dallas who's working in the london office and when the brits got wind of this, they eagerly swarmed around and asked-- "Do you own a gun?!" Oddly enough, the Dallas guy did, and when the Brits heard this they nearly peed their pants with excitement. "Have you killed many deer? How big is it? Have you ever shot anyone?"

After the Bitter End, met up with S&J and went back to the apt. to drink gin. much gin-induced picture taking ensued. It's fun to take pictures even if there's in particular to take pictures of. I'm going to post them as soon as I have a life again.

Late that night I smoked my last bit of paw (a euphemism coined by Elio? I don't know who came up with it but it stuck in my brain) & was sort of relieved that it's over. Let's be realistic, I think I'm still going to smoke socially. But I don't want to turn into a bit character from Dude, Where's My Car?

No more buying. In any case it's a moot point, as "Bear" (why am I putting his name in quotes, that's his real name!) is probably on his way to Barbados by now.


hey, East Coast Lady can post to the webserver now! my soul soars with joy, until I realize that my soul is soaring with joy because some lady on the east coast can post a request for gas capacity release data to a webserver. more later, if I don't kill myself in the interim


I eat watermelon & suffer virtual blood loss

Alright then, weekend update continued


massive paw&booze hangover, the germans call it "katzenjammer" which I think literally means "cats wailing". i love how germans have so many unique words to describe aspects of drinking, like "Drachenfutter" which = "dragon fodder" but really means the presents you get for your wife to appease her after you come home from a night of heavy drinking. Did i make that up? I couldn't possibly have made that up. Anyway, hung out at the Blue Danube for a while & there I ran into Keith Knight -- he lives in my neighborhood! I love SF. I stayed at the Blue Danube for a while trying to read about economics, but unfortunately economics turns out to be HUGELY boring and I think i'm going to have to learn it on the street.

Later met up with Shawn to catch the 76ers game at We Cheat Tourists and Drunks (TM). We played some pool and on the first break, he simultaneously sank the eightball, the cueball and a solid. I kinda boggled at that. Do over? I think not. I takes em anyway I can get em. Also while we were watching the game, we ordered food and they had creme brulee! I think every sports bar should have creme brulee.

A brief sojourn (?) to Toys r Fucking Expensive to buy Hungry Hungry Hippos (the previous night there'd been 4 of us at the apt, drunk, and I'd thought GODDAMN if there was ever a time for hungry hippos, this was it! but didn't have it) and also purchased Tony Hawk Pro Skater 2. this may be the first playstation game I actually *like*. it lets you make your own skater, so we made one named "fatty mcghee" and we set his weight to the maximum (378 pounds) and made him shirtless with tattoos and a mohawk, and gave him calf length striped athletic socks. it was pretty funny.

In the evening, not much, very chill. (angi & I have decided that "chill" is a codeword for "suitable for old lame people", e.g. "let's check out this club, I heard it's really chill") We have become old and lame and you might as well put us in the nursing home. And make sure that nursing home has a playstation, and lots of gin.

We ended up getting sushi at 26 corner (again with the tons of free stuff-- why is that lady so nice to us? maybe cos it keeps us coming back?) and then collapsing into dust.


I meant to go to work but when I went outside & the sun touched my neck I knew that there would be no work that day. As I was telling Sarah, I went to a BBQ at Elio's place in PA. It was a lot of fun and featured:

1. Eating watermelon (good summertime food)

2. Throwing watermelons

3. Monkey noises (for some reason Jenny thinks monkey noises are the funniest thing ever. Now she's got us all doing it. It's gotten to the point where most of our conversations consist exclusively of shrieks and mock-feces-flinging)

4. Shiner Bock (good tx beer, made me think of tx)

5. Pictures. (from on high! will post)

Driving back in the evening, yellow brush & gently rolling cali hills. It's a beautiful time of year & things are alive everywhere. In the evening, more virtual bruises with Tony Hawk (it's funny cos every time you mess up a move the guy crashes onto the pavement and blood spurts out of his body; my skater must have lost at least 200 gallons of blood in the hour i played) & also watched part of "Finding Forrester" starring Sean Connery and Busta Rhymes. (ok it doesn't *star* busta rhymes but really, isn't Busta Rhymes the defacto star of anything he's in?) Actual line of dialog from the movie, which I swear I'm not making up:

Sean Connery: You the man now dog!!

memorial day = tons of work, but productive

to-day = work, but productive

i have to get my life back, got to cut my hair, got to shave, got to think of something to do w/ a this weekend, got to do laundry, got to pay bills, got to clean room. i hate errands for the same reason i hate treadmills- what's the fun of running in place?