Sometimes I worry that I spend way too much time living in the past. I spend hours reminiscing. But I don't know if you can ever get back what happened in the past. I think a lot about all the details that are lost forever. Not even the big important details, but just little things. What shoes were you wearing 10 years ago? What exact color were the leaves? In the larger scheme of things it doesn't matter; but what separates life from our documentation of it (movies, writing, talking) is just these details.
Permanent nostalgia and corresponding melancholy, that's how I'd sum up my mental state. Yet I'm optimistic, because there are always new memories to make. What a good segue into this weekend (not that it was remarkable, but it was good):
Fri: we went to Storyville. Actually it was lame, but afterwards Jenny and Shawn and Elio and I went to the beach, which was really cool (despite the fact that I was tired and depressed and cold). People in SF go to the beach and build fires. You see specks of light up and down the shore. We managed to steal the embers of a fire some other group had left behind. It was a dark cold night, and you could see the ocean only by the white lines of foam made by the waves. The sky was full of stars. We sat there in the magic night and talked-- Elio told us what I'm sure were fascinating facts about astrophysics, and Jenny and Shawn asked what I'm sure were penetrating questions. I throw in those caveats only because I could barely keep my eyes open, and I was thinking of my own things.
Sat: after a greasy-spoon breakfast with Shawn & co., I did nothing much. Listened to a lot of music, wrote some things in my notebook, read some magazines. In the evening Angi & I had drinks with Patrick (napa valley winester) and Audrey (his pretty wife, also a napa valley winester). Andy met up with us at our second bar of the night. We talked about fraternities and Halloween decorations and maybe visiting Napa sometime.
Sun: Andy and I went to a political benefit concert at the Civic Center. It was fun! The music was so-so-- Victoria Williams played a couple of whiney songs (she's an "artist's artist", meaning regular Joes like me find her whiney while artists find her sublime) and Green Day played... erm... a couple of whiney songs. I like Green Day but all of their songs kinda blend together after a while. Andy and I wandered around, talking to all the earnest people at their political booths. We met some representatives of the International Worker's Party-- the Wobblies! We learned about them in my US History class in high school-- bomb throwing socialist loonies. I was happy to learn that they hadn't given up the good fight.
We heard a nice Klezmer band (name of which escapes me) play across the park from the main stage. A protest at the protest? It's like that old joke, what do you get when you put 2 anarchists in a room? 3 splinter groups.
There was a techno tent that strangely morphed into a classic rawk tent-- there were people in support of Nader and various propositions beginning with letters... ooh, I met Keith Knight!! (He writes the K Chronicles, which I've loved for years.) I bought an autographed book from him and tried not to fan-worship too much. He seemed like he'd be really fun to hang out with.
Other details? Not too much free stuff, stickers saying "NUDITY IS NOT A CRIME" (yes it is! come on people, bone up on the law! no pun intended)... a lot of artists and idealists all trying to change the world. It was inspiring.
We ended up eating sushi w/ Andy & Alex. Alex ate a quail egg. I tried some eel. Jenny & Shawn were there too but we all went our separate ways. The night comes, it brings the day again.