I believe in seasonal affective disorder, big name or no. When the sun goes away and everything outside is grey, it gets to me. Or maybe it's the food I ate; or chemical imbalance, or the song I heard coming out of someone's car as they drove by. Days like this I feel a slow burn in my chest. I open up Hotmail and look for someone to write to, and though there are many people-- good people-- none of them are who I want to write to, maybe because I don't know what I want to say. I scroll in and out of my addressbook and the web, typing phrases into search engines to see what comes up -- "on a losing streak", "when it won't go"-- and there's a sudden sickening gap in my heart as I realize there might never be enough.